The right thing was the crazy thing...

Last Monday when Kara passed away I was devastated to learn that I didn't have any PTO time left at work and my boss couldn't let me take time off for the funeral. I had tried to accept it, be okay with it, and be grateful that I had taken the opportunity to spend time with her in October. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted and needed to be there for the funeral.


Wednesday around 3:30 my boss called me into his office to talk to me. He then proceeded to tell me that he had found out on Monday that I had three days of bereavement that I could take to go home for the funeral...."Uh, the funeral starts in 17 hours and it takes me 18 hours to drive there, I've got to go!" As I ran out of the office (literally), I stopped by Cindy's desk to tell her that I would be driving through the night to get to the funeral. Her response (verbatim), "Are you driving all that way by yourself?" I answered in the affirmative and she replied, "Brooke, that's dumb!" And she wasn't kidding, that was really how she felt. She said that with a straight face and all seriousness. Luckily I've always been one to do what I know that I can do, so I continued on. I stopped at my house and grabbed my clothes basket full of dirty clothes (that way I didn't have to pack clean ones, they were already packed and I could wash them when I got there), threw a few necesities in a bucket (i.e. my toothbrush and toothpaste), and I was on the road.


I love driving, especially when I need to be alone and think. Knowing that I had to hurry in order to make it to St. Paul in time for the funeral I only stopped when I had to get gas. I stopped a total of only 5 times and at each of those stops the longest I was out of the car was for 15 minutes, I had to hurry. The funeral started at 10:00 am Thursday morning. At 8:30 I called Kendra to let her know where I was and what time I would be getting there. Well, I was still in Osceola, which is 140 miles west of St. Paul...I had a problem. However, it meant everything to me that I made it for the funeral and I had made it all this way and was now soooo close. At this point I began driving an undisclosed amount of speed and maintained this speed all the way to Salem Stub where I met Kendra. When I got in Kendra's car it was 9:59 and we were only 5 miles from the church. I changed my clothes and brushed my teeth in Kendra's backseat while she drove the rest of the way to the church. We got to St. Paul and walked into the church at 10:07 am and the funeral had just started.


The service was beautiful and it was very "Kara". It was a great way to remember her. When I had made the trip in October it was for Kara, so she knew how much I love and care about her. This trip was for me, for closure, and to say goodbye. It was emotional and tiring but well worth every minute of the long drive through the night. I was very suprised by the peace that I felt almost immediately just having the opportunity to be there.



After the funeral I stopped to see Mrs. Haight at school. I had worried that many people would think, as Cindy did, that it was dumb for me to make such an impromptu trip and alone at that. Susan said just what I needed to hear at that very moment. Although she didn't know I was coming she wasn't surprised to see me. She began by offering her sympathies for Kara's passing and then told me what a good friend she thought I was. That in itself made me feel good, but what she said next is what I hope that I will always remember. When I told her about the events leading up to my trip to Iowa and the details of my trip (including the crazyness trying to make it in time) she told me that she was proud of me....that's a far cry from what I was concerned people would think! She said she was proud of me for being a strong person and having the will and ability to just do whatever I have wanted and needed to do. She pointed out that there are many people who would never have the courage to do things that I do without blinking. It really meant a lot to be reminded that she believes in me.



After visiting with Susan and FINALLY showering, Kendra and I went to pay her parents a visit. They are so great. Their home is one that I am always sure to visit when I am in Iowa. They are such a treat and of course there is a lot of laughing involved when you're in the company of the Thompsons! They had been very concerned while I was driving the night before as Kendra was one of three people who knew that I was coming. I had only called my mom and Kendra before I left for Iowa and my mom had called Marcia. Since I left at the end of my work day when I started out my phone only had 2/3 of it's battery left, uh that's not good when you're driving across 2/3 of the United States. So early in the drive I told them all that I wouldn't be answering my phone and that I would have it turned off in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep anyway. Paul, Kendra's dad, kept calling her to check in and see how I was doing. When we got to their house that night Joan and Paul were both happy to see me and expressed sentiments similar to those of Susan. Paul said one thing that has echoed in my mind ever since. He said simply, "You did the right thing." So my fears were unwarranted and I felt confident that Paul was right, I had done the right thing.



On the way home my thoughts were still mostly of Kara but my heart was not so heavy. I also planned my travel to be able to drive through Wyoming during the day because for some reason that is my favorite place to drive??? While driving through Wyoming I made this list of really awesome things that happened to me or that I saw in my travels:

Number of people living in Trailors/Mobile Homes in Wyoming: 400,001

Population of Wyoming: 515,004

Number of Trailer Homes made to look like a TeePee: 1

Number of cockroaches I saw in Truck stop rest rooms: 1

Born again radio stations in Nebraska: at least 576

Lowest price paid for a gallon of gas: $1.53

Highest price paid for a gallon of gas: $2.21

Number of windmill farms in Wyoming: 13

Deer Carcasses on the freeway: 213

Airplanes on Trailers being pulled by a car: 3

Number of cows having sex: 2

Convenience store with the best name: Loaf & Jug

Kara, a genuinely good human being

The story for this blog entry actually starts 7 years ago in the summer of 2001. When I confided in my friend, Bobbi, of some health issues that I was struggling with she took me to talk to her friend, Kara, who was a nurse. The hope for that day was that Kara could help me understand what was happening to my body, the actual result was that I made an incredible friend. I babysat Kara's three children (ages at the time: Brett 10, TJ 8, and Taylor 5) on a relatively frequent basis. It was always a treat to hang with her kids.

Kara was a magnificent friend who was always there when I needed her. Love emanated from Kara toward everyone. She had so many endearing qualities that made her beautiful both inside and out. Perhaps my favorite was her sense of humor and laughter. Kara loved to have a good time and she had fun at anything she did. It was hard to be in Kara's presence and not be laughing. Her attitude was always positive, even when life dealt her a really bad hand.

Kara remained a good friend to me even after I moved to Utah 6 years ago. There were countless phone calls that would last until one of us ran out of battery power on our cell phone, which sometimes took hours. Each time I came home to visit my favorite part of coming home was spending time with Kara, it was a guaranteed good time and a bucket of laughs.

Just over a year ago Kara found out she had breast cancer. She opted for a mastectomy and the outcome seemed optimistic. The cancer went into remission. Eight weeks ago I received a devastating phone call, Kara's cancer was back and this time it had spread to her bones. As was characteristic of Kara, she was determined to remain positive and to do whatever it took to fight this disease. Upon receiving the news I immediately bought a plane ticket and two weeks later flew home to spend some time with Kara. I found her in better condition than expected, that was a pleasant surprise. She was up and smiling and still laughing that laugh that can only come from Kara. Most importantly she was still optimistic.

After my week in Iowa I returned home. Just one week later I got a good news call from Kara to tell me that her counts were up and she was starting chemo again. Two weeks later the chemo was too much for her body and the cancer was spreading.

On Monday, November 17th, 2008 Kara passed away. Losing such a dear friend isn't easy and the pain will never go away. The one thing that I can hold on to is the many great and happy memories that I made with Kara while she was here. The loss of Kara has been heart wrenching. In her honor I hope that I can become more of the person she was. I will strive to love people unconditionally, the way Kara did. I will care deeply for others and serve them, the way Kara did. And perhaps most imporant I will be positive in and make the most of every day that I am given, the way Kara did.

On Root Canals and Sedatives...

Monday morning I woke up with a toothache. I called my dentist and paid him a visit that afternoon. My worst fears were confirmed and I needed a root canal. He prescribed me Vicodin and an antibiotic and got me into the endodontist the next day for the procedure. Good thing for that Vicodin because by Monday night I was in terrible pain. By Tuesday morning after taking more Vicodin than prescribed the pain was still extreme. By the time I got to the endodontist I was excited for the root canal!

When the option of a local anesthetic or sedation were offered to me, I chose sedation because I didn't want to feel anything else. The nurse gave me some crushed up pills, I laid down in the chair, turned on Dr. Phil, and she put the little gas mask on my nose. That's the last I remember until Wednesday morning.....

The following is what apparently took place in that period of time:

When the procedure was finished the nurse took Jaymee back into the room and was explaining to her the do's and don'ts of taking care of me for the rest of the evening. I piped up in my slurred speach and said "Make her bring me pillows and blankets!" Then as the nurse was wheeling me outside in the wheelchair and Jaymee was pulling my car up, I threw up all over myself and the wheelchair. It was at that point that I said, "This reminds me of that part on Baby Mama where she has green puke all over her arm." All I'm going to say in description of mine is that I had just chugged an entire bottle of bright blue Gatorade...neon green. So the nurse went back inside and got paper towels and a plastic bag in case I got sick again. Before putting me into the car they tried to wipe me off but I had thrown up right down my front which means there was a lot of vomit in my crotch. The nurse handed me a paper towel and said, "I'm not going to rub you there." Hahaha! That's good because I would feel very badly if I had been violated and then didn't even remember it.

So they finally get me into the car after this entire ordeal and the nurse goes back inside. I was in just a short sleeve shirt so I had gotten cold and I told Jaymee that I wanted to put my hoodie on. So she pulls around to the back of the building because I need to take my puke covered short sleeve shirt off before putting on my hoodie. So I take off my tee shirt and then proceed to have a 10 minute conversation with Jaymee before putting my hoodie on. All the while we are sitting right outside of the windows at the back of the dental office, I'm sure someone got a nice view.

When Jaymee got me back to my apartment in Ogden it was dark and raining. When she was trying to get me inside I bent over and put my head on the stairs and started laughing really hard. Then I finally got inside and upstairs to my room and this is the first memory that I have; I remember walking into my bedroom and taking one look at my bed and thinking, "Yeah, I'm going to sleep!" But just as I tried to throw myself onto my bed Jaymee stopped me and said, "NO! You have to get out of your puke clothes first!" So I changed...well, I didn't they had to do most of it for me, and then I crashed. They kept trying to get me to drink stuff because they thought I was dehydrated but everytime that I drank something I would vomit. I only remember getting sick once and I have two words...neon green.

Jaymee was going to the store so she asked me if I wanted anything to eat. My only request...Chessmen cookies! Mmmm! Now I'm awake, coherent, and not in pain. Life is good!

One Last Ride for the Year

This weekend I was looking forward to having NO plans. I woke up at 9:30am Saturday morning and the weather was beautiful so I decided to take Edna for one last ride before winter really hits. I rode to Layton to visit with friends. It was a nice little ride with some good hills for a workout. All in all it was a great ride until I was nearly home...
These are the two gashes taken out of the back of my leg by the crank. It hurt and there was blood running down my leg and into my shoe the rest of the way home but hey, they make nice battle wounds. As Jaymee would say, "I look hard core now."

Happy Hibernation Edna!

Why Hadn't I Though of That?

On Saturday Jaymee and I went to Lagoon for Frightmares. We had to park out in the East 40 (which is typical for Lagoon) and as we were walking up to the park we saw this Yukon that was parked over the line. The window says "nice parking retard". Hahahahaha! It's so true. Parking is total hell in places like this and it's retards like this guy who make the few parking spaces that are available unusable.

It's happened to you at Wal-Mart and you've thought to yourself "what a retard" or maybe you even said it outloud to the small children in the car "kids, don't grow up to be like this retard" but have any of us been so innovative as to leave a message for the retard? I like it!

People Get Lost in the Mountains....

Three weeks ago I went to Idaho to spend the weekend with my BFF, Jaymee. This summer turned out to be pretty crazy for both of us...I moved and got a new job, she worked insanely long hours in the potato harvest...and we hadn't seen each other for months. Needless to say we were more than excited to spend a weekend together just laughing and having fun.

When I arrived in Idaho Friday night we went to dinner at Rupe's. After Rupe's we headed up to her familie's cabin in the mountains. We had decided to spend the night at the cabin Friday night and go 4 wheeling on Saturday. We woke up Saturday morning and headed out on the 4 wheeler. We were on an adventure to a part of the mountain we had never explored before. In that area (now when I say "area" I'm talking about a 40 mile radius-ish) there is an old ski resort. In all of the years Jaymee and I have been BFF we've always wanted to find the ski hill and go exploring there. We had never been able to find it but this day Jaymee was pretty sure she knew how to get to it so we went to a new part of the mountain.

When we found the road that Jaymee thought was it (turns out she was sort of right) there were people at the gate (right next to the "no trespassing" signs) so we rode back up to the top of the hill to wait for them to leave and eat our breakfast....Mountain Dew and powdered donuts!




While we were eating breakfast I had to pee, real bad. We were on this road in the middle of nowhere but for the middle of nowhere this road was a somewhat major thoroughfare, with NO bushes or trees. So I couldn't very well just pop a squat right out in the middle of everything because chances were somewhat high that a car might drive by, but this tall grass was all that I could find to squat behind. Jaymee kept tormenting me and yes, even taking pictures while I tried to do my business.

While we were waiting at the top of the hill we saw the cars leaving from the gate where we needed to go. So we went back and followed the turn. The road turned to a dirt lane, which turned into a 4 wheeler path through a bean field, which turned into a 4 wheeler path through the this forest, which eventually turned into a cow path. Let me tell any of you who are wondering...a cow is not nearly as wide as a 4 wheeler. So we turned around and took yet another very narrow 4 wheeler path in the other direction. Remember, we don't have a clue where we are.

Well, just as the second path we were on ended I saw a green lush meadow that led to a main (as main as you can get in the middle of the mountains) road! Saweet. So I backed up and headed down the hill, began through the meadow when I noticed that the meadow wasn't such at all....it was a swamp, there was standing water and COW DUNG EVERYWHERE!!!!!! When I let off of the gas Jaymee said, "DO NOT SLOW DOWN! We'll get stuck, just gun it...." Well, I "gunned" it but we still got stuck (and smack in the middle of this giant cow pie puddle)!
With just the two of us there was not enough man power to get it out of the 10 inches of brown oooze that the 4 wheeler had sunk into. We looked around...there weren't a lot of tools to help us out either. Remember that road that I said I had seen, we were just 50 yards off of the road. The only idea I came up with...and I came up with it as I stood on a log while Jaymee was wading around and sinking knee-deep in poop...was to try and gather sticks to put under the tires to use as traction. After we gathered all of the sticks we could find it did not work.
So Jaymee called her mom the let her know that we were stuck but we truly had no idea where in the world we were so we couldn't even tell her where to come and look for us to help us. That was a very helpless and somewhat scary feeling. Our only option: we started walking......and we kept walking..........

and walking........


Finally, after:

3.5 Miles
Peeing behind two bushes
Talking to 2 Mexicans in 1 hoopdie truck
Passing 2 4-wheelers
Finding one heart shaped rock
Laughing until my belly hurt
Finding one old oven
and Watching one interesting man meditate on top of a rock

We came to a road sign so we could tell Jaymee's mom and her brother Corey where to find us. We sat there for about 30 minutes but eventually they were able to find us. We went back to the 4 wheeler and here is the crux of the whole thing.....

50 yards from where we were stuck on that "main" road was the old ski resort we had been looking for!

More pictures from Iowa...

This is Sophie who is seriously the CUTEST dog EVER!!! I totally love her and my mom is soooo lucky that I live in a townhome where dogs are not allowed or Sophie would have come back to Utah with me.

This is Jade. I love her to pieces. I think you can tell from this picture why we get along so well...we're alot alike even though in age we differ by 20 years! This apparatus that she is using for a blindfold is really the coconut bra off of her stuffed horse from the build a bear workshop. :-)

Jade and I gave both of my mom's dogs a bath on Sunday morning. We had lots of fun, and I learned a few things...1.) Never let a 4 year old squirt the doggie shampoo on the dog, unless you want the entire bottle used at once. I'm new at this kid thing but I'll get it down.

This was on Tuesday afternoon when I was supposed to be getting ready to go to the airport to fly back to Utah. I think you can tell by the photo that I was in no hurry to get back or to leave precious little Sophie.

Going home.

Three weeks ago I had the blessed opportunity to take a week and a half off of work and spend time in Iowa with lots of people that I love and who are very close to my heart. There is something to be said for "going home", for having a soul so deeply rooted in a place that no matter how long and hard you try to uproot and transplant you can never completely do so. I think it's the people more than the place. The people who have had a hand in molding, teaching, and shaping you into what you have become. In my life there have been MANY of these people and to each one of them I am extremely grateful. I appreciate the time and energy that they scrificed (and many of them continue to sacrifice) in order to love and support me. It is these people, genuinely good human beings, who have instilled in me a desire to succeed and to pay forward what has to graciously been given to me.

This trip was the first opportunity that I have had in several years to go home and spend time with the people I cherish. No funerals, no weddings, no hustle and bustle of busy stuff, just 8 whole days of being able to slow down and smell the roses of life.

While there my mom had a baby shower for my sister who is expecting a boy in January. It was fun to shop for my new nephew...I fear he may be spoiled by his aunt!

I totally fell in love with these cute little puppy slippers!

And although she refuses to nurse, I got her this awesome nursing pillow....it's good for other things too.

PS...I realize that these pictures are sideways...it's late, i'm tired and I'm not exactly sure how to fix them! I'll figure it out soon.