forget the lives we used to live 'cause we're gone

turns out my biggest unsolved mystery was solved. almost two years ago. and i didn't even know it. damn it. this is like being 24 years old and finding out that the person who raised you had lived an entire secret life before you were born. and everyone around you kept it a secret from you. it feels weird. i don't like it.

what it boils down to. at the hands of my best friend jaymee i learned that the everett ruess mystery was solved in 2008 by a professor in california. to make a long story longer. his grave was stumbled upon. found by decendants of the navajo who had hastily buried him after watching some rival indians do him in. after a lot of research. and with the miracle of modern technology. it was positively concluded that the body found in the crevice grave was that of everett ruess.

it was a long article. 12 pages. but in case you'd like to read it for yourself. do it here. it's interesting. it doesn't give me any less of a desire to adventure. to pack up and hit the road. to see the world. i guess these days the dangers are just different. no indians. but i'm sure there's something else out there. one thing i know for sure is that there is beauty out there. lots of it.

is everybody here okay?

sunday. the third. and final. day of our bryce/escalante trip. it was a fabulous day. we woke up. showered. packed up camp. stopped one last time at the canyon country gas station. then hit the road to bryce. bryce was full of surprises. it turned out better than we could even have hoped.

our first encounter was mary kay. she will live on in our hearts forever. she made us these signs. if you ask the right person for a sharpie and a piece of paper you'll come out on top with printed signs like these. our dear mary kay also had to deliver the bad news to us. the hike we wanted to go on was closed due to rock slides...seems like a minor detail to me. but i'm a rule-follower so i'll take it. instead of the hike we drove to every lookout in the park. mostly. it was great. we were glad we did.

we were especially glad that we went to the bryce point lookout. where we watched this shit show go down. the lady in black. she was a treat. as we walked back to the main path from the point lookout we heard a squelch. when we looked up it was blacky yelling at her 13 year old son. he was minding his own business walking down the sidewalk that was flat and at least 6 feet in width. safe ground. because he wasn't walking in the middle of the path she was sure he was going to fall to his death off of one of the side cliffs because there weren't fences to protect him. oh honey. we watched the show that was her panic attack. i think maybe she confused having her breath taken away by the beauty for having a need to worry. she should have read that paper in the car about the number of deaths in bryce national park annually. it's low. very low. like one a year. i guess this year it coulda been her son. or her if she hadn't kept breathing through the meltdown. don't get me wrong. i have an appreciation for the fear of heights. one of my nearest and dearest is very fearful of heights and cliffs and such. i was privelidged to hike angels landing with her. the fear is real. but blacky, well....i dont' know what to say about her or to her except, "thanks for the entertainment." and thanks to grandpappy who sat next to us and enjoyed it with us.

after hanging in the park. we were off to more adventure. we stopped at ruby's. it's a giant tourist mall right outstide of the park. it's a store the size of a mall but it's filled with all of those touristy souvenirs and knick-knacks. pretty much our kind of paradise. and to top it off the cashiers were two lady's who portrayed a 65 year old version of braymee. how perfect. they had us laughing. hard. real hard. like i think i might have had tears in my eyes at one point.

my stellar find of the shopping trip was the wooden postcard. of course i bought one. one bit of advice...don't ever tell those two grey haired cashiers you aren't sure of your loved one's zip code. i know the entire address but for some reason i can NEVER remember the zip code. they'll tell ya how many texts and emails they get..."what's your zip code again?" ha. someday i'll get it right. i'd like to credit myself with rememering it for the last 48 hours. 45140.

after ruby's it was off to bryce canyon pines restaurant. at the advice of mary kay. all weekend i'd been craving a bacon cheeseburger. but i needed real bacon. REAL bacon. mary kay said this was just the place. was she ever right. alfred had me before hello. we sat at the bar. it was great. that's were all the action was. just how we like it. we left with a slice of pie to go and a junior ranger hat and badge for our dear comrade natalie allen. turns out the hat was more useful than we initially realized.

after lunch it was time for the beloved drive home. i wasn't really ready to leave. but we had work the next day. and natalie allen said we could visit her on our way through slc. that alone was motivation to return north.

there was but one small mishap on the drive. the sun was shining. just the way we like it. it was a little bright as it began to set in the west. jaymee was driving. i was minding my own business writing a blog in the passenger seat. as i took a drink of coke jaymee asked me to take the wheel while she attempted to hang a pillowcase in the window to block the sun. no the built in visor was not sufficient...don't expect that we didnt' think of that. as i took the wheel with a mouthful of coke something VERY funny happened....oddly, i don't remember what. before i knew it coke was coming out of my nose. i had a computer on my lap. that stuff eats battery acid. i can't imagine that it would be a good thing to upchuck coke on my laptop. so remembering that we can "hose this thing out" i put my head between the seats and released the remainder of the soda from my nose and mouth. it was at this point that i suddenly remembered that it is ME who is in charge of steering as i heard our wheels cross the safety rumble strips on the side of the road. during all of this jaymee is happily hanging her pillowcase. unaware of what is unfolding right next to her. when she hears the rumble strip she turns to see our predicament. to include me. red-faced. tears in my eyes. soda dripping down my chin. she resumed responsibility of the wheel. we were safe. THAT was funny.

we made it to slc in one piece. we visited our friend natalie. presented her with the gift of fish flavored candy. don't be fooled we do love her. a lot actually. we think the world of her as our friend. we appreciate her. probably as much as you can possibly appreciate someone you met in costco 7 months ago. she's great. makes us laugh. a lot. i hope she stays friends with us for a real long time.

we had one hell of a day, dix...

this is in no way a negative thing. yesterday pretty much went from bad to worse for braymee. lucky for us adventure flourishes no matter what. it was still a great day. despite a few small bumps in the road.

we set out around 9am. off to find adventure. make new friends in escalante. see some natural beauty. we did all of those things. and then some. you see. we had our hearts set on this little hike i read about in my book called "100 hikes in utah". we did a little research. visited dixie at the escalante visitors center. she gave us a paper and told us how to get there. third cattle guard. we made it. strapped on our hydration packs. and began what could later be referred to as the march of death.

oh the hike itself was beautiful. no problems there. we saw a snake. that made things real exciting for a bit. though she hasn't yet admitted it i'm pretty sure jaymee had to clean a brown streak out of her undies that night. for now we'll let her think that we're fooled. we hiked through a beautiful wash. slickrock walls surrounded us on every side. we loved it. little did we know we hiked two thirds of the hike "off trail". turns out that in a hike book when they say "follow the wash bed 2.0 miles" they don't mean to literally walk down the bed of the wash. there were other human footprints there. we weren't the only ones. but i still felt dooped.

then it began. it started small. small things can get big. real big. you see, i had a little case of the mencies. i was plainly convinced that the painful part was over. therefore not seeing a need to pack any type of pain relief for the 5 mile hike. i'll spare you the horrific details. suffice it to say that jaymee and i both thought that she may have to piggy back me out. by the time we reached the car i was running for my ibuprofen 800's like a toddler to his mother after a long day at the sitter. i think i may have even heard "chariots of fire" playing in my mind. but victory wasn't instant. that magic white pill needed some time to do it's thing. while that happened i laid in the passenger seat of howie writhing in pain. i wanted my mommy...or to die. thank goodness jaymee and i share a brain (and 7 years of friendship) she knew just what to do. leave me alone. she drove to the nearest gas station to change her shirt. buy some ice. get a cold drink. make some new friends. meanwhile i laid in the car. a bit thankful to be alone. so i could verbally express the depth of my pain. and anger at mother nature at that moment for making me a girl. by the time she returned to the car i was beginning to feel the first signs of relief. i think jaymee knew this when i turned and said "i haven't been in that much pain since the last time i was in that much pain..."

with my improving physical condition we made the executive decision to return to the national monument for some more sightseeing. this time by car instead of foot. we didn't want to push our luck. we drove the road that i pedaled last september in the southern utah bike ride. those hills looked bitchin'...and not in the good way. i'm proud of myself for pedaling up them. i'm pretty tough. on the other side of the monument we saw a sign to a road that said "hell's backbone". of course we took it. that was after jaymee tried to take a road meant for high clearance vehicles in howie. his meager 10 inches of clearance really didn't help when we were driving over rocks that were at least 13 inches high...but we made it out of there with our fuel tank still attached. that's all that matters.

turns out the hell's backbone road wasn't the long way back to town. it was the really really really long way back to town. BUT. it was also the really really really spectacularly beautiful way back to town. we most likely could have made the drive in half the time that it took us. we stopped every 50 yards to take a picture of the spectacular beautifulness. we were having fun. *suddenly i hear the chorus to "ain't nothin' gonna hold me down" by men at work*

we got back to town. made some tin foil dinners. yum. they were beyond tasty. i tried to have a beer. i was even too tired for that. now that's pretty tired. after dinner i went to bed. yeah. it was only 8pm and the sun was still shining bright. judge me. my body had a rough day.

it never divides it only multiplies...

it has begun. the start was a bit touch and go at first. but we made it. that's really all that matters at this point. we had to make two stops on our way out of town. smiths for chips, gas, firewood, and ice...the essentials. and alliance (aka "shitty") property management to drop off my rent and 3, yes i said THREE, maintenance request forms. i've already called them but we like to keep things formal. see this blog.

wait. where was i? i got off track. happens a lot lately. anyway. we're at smith's. jaymee's gassin' up and i come out of the store with the wood, ice, etc to notice a VERY flat tire on the element. damn it. jaymee got so mad she kicked her shoes off at the car. we filled up the tire and headed down the block to the les schwab. those boys fixed 'er right up. and for free. man. we are cool. and people know it. they reward us for it.then we were off. only to be punished yet again. in lehi we came upon a plethora of vehicles without a plethora of speed. bad combination. but we waited. we tried to be patient about it. jaymee did the fist pump to neighboring cars. you know. the signal that most 8 year olds give to truckers. yeah. she was just doing that to your every day motorists. one smoker dude gave her a smile. no honk. but a smile. brightened her day just the same. we eventually made it to the head of the issue. a brokedown pick up in the center lane. bad form dude. i don't know what i expected him to do. but something. at least.

then it was off to kranky franks. we didn't take a single picture this time. but we stopped. you didn't think we wouldn't. did you? if so, you underestimate us. the man of the house was working again. we asked about his wife. again. we haven't seen her since the very first time we stopped. we were looking for the liquor store that time. kinda how we found the place. i think she was appalled by our "unruliness". the look on her face said "how can grown women act in such a way?" but by the time we had eaten our wieners, taken pictures, and left i think she realized that we are grown only in body, not spirit. we bid sir kranky frank farewell and asked him to give his wife our best.

then. less than an hour later. there we were. minding our own business. driving down the freeway at a healthy 85mph when the convulsions began. i thought jaymee was going into epileptic shock. not to worry. she was fine. overcome with uncontrollable joy and excitement. but fine. she was checking facebook on her phone. she found this:

Kranky Franks--Springville, Utah Just wanted to tell the ladies from Ogden. We are always so excited to have you come in and eat--Thanks for coming by. I hope the next time I am there so you don't think of me as the Kranky old lady. Hahahahaha Enjoy southern Utah ladies.

at this moment the road trip officially began. we took the traditional "this road trip begins NOW" picture. we were laughing. happy. spilling boxes of whoppers. yeah. we were in adventure mode. we were honored to have been given such a shout out by our dearest mrs. kranky frank. i hope we get to see her next time.

after these joyful moments of laughter we made crazy fast time on the freeway (no mommy, i wasn't speeding....that much). we got to bryce canyon national park promptly at 7pm. only to find that a rodeo was starting in the city of bryce AND the campgrounds were both full in the park. damn it. i really wanted to go to that darned rodeo. oh well. we live in utah. there's plenty more hick where that came from. we called ahead to escalante. our back-up plan. they had a campsite just for us. "get here when you do. if we're not in the shop, set up your camp and we'll settle up in the morning. camp where you want. there's towels in the shower house. make yourself right at home." steve was good to us from the start.

there we were. leaving bryce only 10 minutes after our arrival. there wasn't much for us there considering the circumstances. we'll be back sunday. on our way out of the park we saw a family by the park sign taking the token tourist photo. there were three kids. all perched in their chosen places atop the sign. mom was taking the photo as dad looked on. barely slowing i pulled over to do a 180 degree turn in direction. "mom and dad need to be in the picture too. they need someone to take it and we're just the people to do it." i explained to jaymee. she agreed. when we pulled in they explained that someone before us had taken the full family photo. but since we had gone to the trouble of turning around just for them they posed for just one more. made us feel good. as the family left another arrived. they had a dog that they lovingly referred to as "poopy". still not sure if that was really his/her name or not. we'll go with it. they took some great photos for us. we honked at them when we passed them pulled over later down the highway. we make friends everywhere. people love us. we ARE cool.

we got to escalante. the campground was all we hoped for. and more. steve entertained us in the store while the lady next door got our pizza cooked. we invited him out to our tent site for a beer. he told us he just might take us up on that one. i love this guy. turns out he owns the joint. maybe tomorrow he'll sit around the campfire and sing kumbaya with us. you never know.

i'm gonna drive through the hills with my hand out the window

i'm pretty stoked for this weekend. to say the least. i'm joyful because i won't have to see the office or my desk for two and a half days. happy because, well, i know you're shocked...but i'm going on another adventure. this one is almost like going somewhere new. my bff (and travel buddy extraordinaire) and i will be spending the weekend in bryce canyon national park and grand staircase escalante national monument. i passed through both of these places on the southern utah bike ride i did last year. i've since made a speedy visit through bryce (two weeks ago with the students from the boarding school) that really only allowed for a drive down the main road, two lookout stops, and one emergency potty stop.

this time we're going back to explore. to take our time. to get to know the nature of bryce canyon national park on an intimate level. this time we will have fun. we'll hike down into the depths of bryce's hoodoos. probably ride our bikes on the park road. maybe see a speedgoat or two.

then. on sunday morning we'll adventure to grand staircase escalante national monument. possibly (next to moab, of course) among the planets greatest beautys. there we'll hike calf creek falls to see the 126 foot waterfall. visit erda at the local inn. have a pizza at escalante outfitters. and maybe ride our bikes there too.

the last time i was eating pizza in escalante was with them. we had a great time. i miss them.

we'll just call them the dipshits

last night i went home from work and made the third attempt to mow my lawn since the "new" mower was delivered last wednesday. it didn't work. big surprise. let me back up and tell you the lawn mower story.

at the end of april when the temperature warmed and i began to look forward to mowing the lawn...yes, i said "look forward to mowing". i love to mow. that's why i signed up for this job. anyway, at the end of april i called the property management company (hereafter referred to as "the dipshits") asking them to come and unlock the cable that was holding the mower hostage in the backyard. three weeks and four phone calls after the first call dipshit #1 finally made it to the property to cut the lock because she couldn't find a key. thanks. that weekend i spent a day trying to get the damn thing to start. no luck. i signed up to mow the lawn, not be a small engine mechanic. so i called the dipshits again. when i told her of the latest predicament she stated that the property owner may want to buy a new mower due to the age of the one we had. "great" i thought to myself. these dipshits are finally going to do something right. in the meantime she sent the work crew over to take care of the lawn while she got a new mower. SEVEN weeks later she called and let me know that she had finally found a new mower and would be dropping it off at the property. that was last wednesday. i came home from work that day before heading to a meeting in salt lake just to see the new mower. i was excited. i guess i didn't speak their language. by "new" mower i think dipshit #1 meant she was going to the d.i. to get another mower for me. but at least this one started. friday when i got off work at noon i went home...again, looking forward to mowing the lawn. being outside in the sun. listening to my tunes uninterrupted.

i put on my mowin' clothes and headed outside. i got a good 6 to 7 minutes of mowing in before the mower died the first time. though not empty the gas was low so i thought maybe this was the issue. i went to the gas station on the corner. bought a $12 gas can. and filled it with gas. i filled the mower up and fired her up again. she ran for about 30 seconds and died. really? yes, really. i was mad. frustrated. tired of this always being the case with the dipshits. i left the mower in its place. changed my clothes. and moved on to the weekend fun.

on monday i decided it was time to give it another shot. hoping for the best i started the mower again. this time she gave me a solid 17-19 minutes before death. i got the biggest patch of grass mowed. but it sure is long in the front yard. sorry maxine. we look like we are trying to be from the hood. or the south.

yesterday. first thing in the morning. i call the dipshits to inform them that their "new" mower didn't run. and also. that the broken sprinkler i informed them of when i called about the original mower (8 weeks ago, in case you'd lost count) was STILL broken. i didn't leave my usual angry bitch message. i couldn't help but laugh. in a sarcastic and laughing tone i said, "you're probably tired of hearing from me. don't sweat it, the feelings are mutual. i'm simply calling to let you know that your "new" mower doesn't run." i then recounted my multiple attempts to mow the lawn. "oh and one last thing now that it's getting hot and the grass is dying. that broken sprinkler that i made you aware of two months ago when i called is still broken." that was 26 hours ago. i still haven't heard a peep from them. i half expected them to show up at my door with a sawed off shotgun last night just to get rid of me.

after a frustrating day at work yesterday i decided to make an attempt at putting some positive energy and activity in my universe. so i thought, if i can get that mower to run long enough to finish what little is left of the lawn that would be real great. i got home from work. put my mowin' clothes on. started the mower. and she died before i could even get behind to push it. ha. so much for good thoughts and actions. i was pissed. i angrily pushed the mower across the lawn back to the place where she lives behind the house. i bid her farewell with my middle finger.

when i walked into the house i saw the filth of the common area and thought that may be a good place to take out my aggression. i got the broom. the vacuum. a dust cloth. and went to town. five hours later my apartment AND the common area were spic and span. i felt good. well, better, at least.

you seem like a soldier who's lost his composure

what do you do when you don't know what to do anymore?
when all of the pictures on the walls of your world seem to be falling.
the walls themselves aren't yet caving in.
it's not that bad.
but it's not easy.
it's hard to stay happy. positive. motivated.
i'll keep smiling.
it's pretend.
i'm sarcastic.
i've been in this place on this road before.
i'll have to move in one direction or the other.
i hope i can muster the courage and energy to go the right way.
the wrong way holds harsh consequences.
these are the times when my toddler instinct returns.
i'd like to close my eyes and disappear.

Happy Father's Day

See the World.

Really though. Inspiring doesn't begin to describe it. We took the students of the private boarding school where I volunteer to Bryce Canyon National Park. Well, Bryce Canyon along with a bunch of other places.

On day 2 we returned from our day's outing to find that our camp had been snowed on. Yes, you heard me right...snow! In the middle of June in southern Utah. You can't trust anybody these days.

This is also that time we arrived back at camp to find snow...Jaymee (The Tall One) was nominated to remove the snow from the sagging canopy. And that part about her being tall was a joke...

On Saturday we spent the entirety of the day at a place called Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. This is Jaymee driving the motorized cart to feed the pigs their dinner of fresh cut romaine and watermelon. I'm telling you, these well-loved swine eat better than most humans.

This is Hank and Chuck. I took this picture for Diane. She has a special attachment to things named Hank.

Yes, we're always having a good time. This was when we helped in the puppy class at Best Friends.

Seriously so excited to be there.

I do love a good mallow. And I think the mallow-esque jacket adds a nice touch to the photo.

Yep, camping in the freezing rain is still fun if you're us.

We loved this place so much that we're going back again this weekend. The adventure never stops.

Even when we try, it's hard to be grown-up and serious.

I think as I was taking this photo Jaymee was looking at her finger and yelling ouch after she burned it while checking on our tin foil dinners that were cooking in the fire. They, I might add, were VERY delicious.

This was in the piggie office at Best Friends. To me, it's a sign. The world really does not want me to reproduce.

After my truckin' days, I got real good at radio talk. For the afternoon while we worked with the pigs Jaymee and I each had these radios in case we needed to call Brandi (The Pig Lady). I don't think that poor lady knew quite what she was in for but she managed to handle her time with us like a champ. We left loving her. We'll go back. I hope she doesn't mind.

Jaymee and her buddy, Chuck. She loved this guy. I'm thinking if she didn't already have one K-9 at home she'd be takin' this guy in a heartbeat.

This was after I got to spend some QT with Torpedo. He's a bulldog/pitbull mix and a huge sweetheart. I loved him.

Not only did we walk dogs...but we walked pigs too! I am a girl of many talents. I can teach you sometime if you'd like.

This was our lunch view...worthy of National Park status to say the least. We'll go back to Best Friends, I promise.

This was also at the puppy class. This was the little princess that I grew fond of. Her name was Trip. I love her. I want her to be mine.

In summary, the weekend was busy. We gave much of ourselves and our time at Best Friends. It was a great experience and I will do it again. We saw Zion National Park. Bryce Canyon National Park. We slept in the rain. We woke up to frost covering our tents and anything else standing still. We roasted marshmallows and hot dogs in the rain. We found the only pair of long underwear that could be bought in the town of Kanab. I bought them. They saved me. Most importanly, we had fun.

random thoughts on a lazy weekend...

this summer is shaping up to be stellar.
i'm staying so busy.
taking so many trips.
finding so much adventure.
that this weekend i had to take a break.
just a moment to relax.
one day to sleep in.
i made it until 8.
after waking up at 5:30 to give the pup his breakfast.
really all i've done so far today is relax.eat.nap.
that's all about to change.
in an hour i'm going on a date.
with craig.
i'm looking forward to it.
i haven't been on a date since Alex.
and now that i think about it...
that was the last time i was house-sitting here.
weird.
i hope this one turns out to be less into himself than that one.

tomorrow is a bike ride.
chalk creek.
we'll ride into wyoming.
i just remembered that i failed to print the email with directions to the start.
damn it.
looking forward to that.
i'll get to see kym.diane.penny.jeff.
most of my little red riding hood friends.
i miss them.
makes me want to live in salt lake again.

i got a new phone yesterday.
the motorola droid.
i love it.
i've had iPhone envy.
mostly only for the internet and touch screen capabilities.
okay, a little for all the cool apps too.
i found out the droid can do all those things too.
so it won.
benjamin was great.
i think we're all happy.

for now i must run.
i still have to dry my hair.
and straighten it.
and put make up on.
yes.
i said make up.
later.

they'll miss the taste of wanting you

am i broken?
is it possible for me to remain happy in a job for more than two years?
i wasn't unhappy at backcountry.com.
why did i leave?
the grass is always greener.
i wouldn't have rent-a-parents if i hadn't.
that alone makes it worth it.
but this part sucks.
i can blame anything on someone else.
i'm sure if i could just be grown-up enough about this.
if i could just let it roll.
if i could be a better human being.
have a better heart.
not expect so much from him.

i'm tired.
tired from working really hard not to let it get to me.
it.
the way he treats me different than the others in my department(and not in a good way).
the way almost nothing i do is right.
good.
okay.
the way i am scrutinized like an elementary child when I take 3 minute bathroom visits.
the kings of the clan are held to different standards.
here it doesn't pay to be a queen.
maybe it's a man's world.
maybe i don't party with the right crowd.
whatever it is, something isn't right according to him.

Meet Braymee

When my BFF Jaymee and I were working together preparing the Lewiston Park for the onslaught of cyclists and celebration we realized how very smart we are. With our knowledge and powers combined we could easily take over the world. We can most certainly decorate a park. While discussing our combined super-human powers we figured out that alone we each look like this: but combined we are this: one whole, gigantic, brilliant, genius, fun, hilarious, and awesome thinking machine. With that, we are off to Zion for the weekend. Yes, you heard me. We are responsible for keeping three teenagers safe and happy for 4 days. We will conquer. Braymee can do anything. Anything.