a vagabond for beauty

my latest attempt to quench the wanderlust that is my soul has been the reading of Everett Ruess: A Vagabond for Beauty. i'm nearly 2/3 of the way through the book. it gives me that familiar, constant need to travel. to see the beauty of the world. to leave the confines of the city and all that my life here entails. to find a deeper meaning to life than the menial hum drum that most of us settle for.

in a letter to his father dated december 18th, 1933 everett writes, "the other day, i was talking with alfred fiske, and he believed, and won me over to the idea that we are not asking enough of life. when people find that we do not expect fine, splendid things of them, or that we do not appreciate them and scoff at them, naturally they cease to aspire. if more people felt that fineness was hoped for from them and would not be scorned, they would respond and the world would be more beautiful. as it is, many people are ashamed of deep feelings when they have them, and always try to hide them. don't you think this is true?

as to briffault's statement that no first rate mind in this day of crisis can possibly be interested in beauty or in art when the world is going through death throes and birth throes, i naturally say that he is wrong, because if i agreed with him, i would contradict my whole life.

his thought is not new to me. a year ago my communist friends were firing it at me when i told them that beauty and friendship were all i asked of life. i am not unconcerned with the crisis of our civilization, but the way of the agitator, the social leader, and the politician is not my way. it is not in my nature to deal with masses of people and be an organizer, and i don't propose to make any fundamental changes in my nature. i couldn't change that anyway.

meantime, suppose a year past, i had heeded my friends, and thrown myself into the struggle. what would i have now to show for it? most probably, if i had gone into the thing with any intensity, i'd soon have been just one more of the hundreds of political prisoners who are so utterly without any real influence on the stream of things. if, on the contrary, i had been cautious in my enthusiasm, what could i have accomplished in that way? and, as i said before, i consider it a hopeless, thankless task to struggle with the blind apathy of the masses. neither can we persuade the leaders, the capitalists, to cut their own throats, so there you are. am i right?

so, instead, during this last year, i have continued to seek beauty and friendship, and i think that i have really brought some beauty and delight into the lives of others, and that at least is something."

everett, i truly could not agree more. thank you for writing the words of my heart. there is something comforting and serene about knowing i feel the same way about society and culture as a 19 year old by in 1933 did. maybe the adage "some things never change" really is true. in this case, i hope so. i can only hope to see the world similar to the way everett saw it. one day, it will be my turn.

"Adventure is for the Adventurous. My face is set. I go to make my destiny. May many another youth be by me inspired to leave the snug safety of his rut, and follow fortune to other lands."

-from an essay by Everett Ruess

reason number 45: because your team won

where to begin...a night like this is hard to put on paper (er, to record electronically). it all started when my BFF purchased the car of her dreams and needed me (i was honored) to take her to pick it up in the big SLC. in addition to the uncontainable excitement around the new wheels we nearly bit off a bigger excitement bite than we could chew when we called our dear friend natalie allen. when natalie answered the phone and said she was shopping with nayowmie all we needed to know was where this shopping party was going down. costco...how perfect. i mean really, there is no other store that morgano, nat, and i hold more near and dear to our hearts. after all, we have costco to thank for our precious friendship with natalie. turns out that sarah palin is like a box of cereal: she brings people together. so after some tender moments shared with nayowmie in costco, she graciously shared nat with us for the evening. we dinnered at cafe rio. we were entertained by a scene that was beyond description or comprehension by anyone who wasn't present...so i won't waste our time. one word: toupee. then we had a grand adventure at r.e.i. there is no reason this shouldn't have been hers... i made some truly fabulous purchases. i always wanted these on my bike as a kid. another failed childhood dream turned adult success.
and then there were panties in a bottle. let's just say that the nice boys at r.e.i. know more about my intimate wear than they ever cared to know. sorry guys. as we left r.e.i. we were discussing a name and the first personalization that the new element deserved. at that very moment a sticker blew in front of morgano and natalie and landed on the ground right behind the element. as if to say, "here i am, sticker number one." it was this great biker sticker:really, it couldn't have been more perfect. just like this night. perfect night with perfect friends. and while we're on the subject of stickers here's reason number 7842 to love natalie: she created thisthanks to my BFF for getting a new car and giving us an excuse to venture to the big city for fun
thanks to nayowmie for the chips and for sharing natalie with us today
thanks to natalie for giving us the latest catch phrase: "i can't wait to hose this thing out."

Snails see the beauty in every inch...

Just yesterday I was having a normal, everyday, no-big-deal conversation with some coworkers. As upcoming summer plans were discussed I realized that my summer is completely full of adventure...not to mention, of course, the traveling and exploring I've already done since February. All in all, my little brain realized that when it comes to travel and adventure I've become the person I used to envy. I always wanted to be that person who went camping EVERY weekend. That person who had lots of friends to adventure with and who could also go solo when needed. I always wanted to be that person who had the perpetual Chaco tan on their feet. That person who traveled to Moab with such frequency that the locals began to recognize them. Yesterday I realized I have become that person. What a liberating accomplishment. A testament to the fact that we each hold the power to be...anything. The possibilities are truly endless.

"I don't know about you two but I'm perfectly happy here. Those people in New York don't know what they're missing." -Charles Deetz, Beetlejuice (1988)

Jack London is King!

somewhere there's a woman. a woman who's anger, desperation, and guilt eventually gave way to pain. i fear for the mother in her. for the instincts that seem to sense the threat of a loss so huge and irrevocable that the mind baulks at taking its measure. she is not the woman who raised that child but a person softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss. still, everything has to be said.

it had to happen. there was pain so deep it could barely be reached. the day would come that i would do what had to be done. time had transpired. i suppose some had forgotten. not me. the pain was too deep to forget. so i let her go. liberated her of the child she couldn't love. where there once was a struggling mother there is now a woman free of burden.

if you want something in life reach out and grab it.

Power is an Illusion*

*Disclaimer-If today you came here in search of happiness and Susie Sunshine...you are in the wrong place. Today you will find raw, uncensored thoughts and feelings here. Go ahead, judge me.

Most of the time I've got it together. Most of the time the adventure ahead makes the every day monotony seem worth it. Most of the time my plan for the future fills my every pore with excitement. Most of the time I feel confident about my career success at Salomon. Most of the time I'm just generally stoked to be alive and to be me.

Today is an unusual day. A day when I don't feel like I've got it together. Like maybe I'm fragile. Today I ponder why I'm still working this hum drum desk job. Why daily I'm micro managed by a "team lead" who belittles and insults me. Oh yeah, I'm still here because it's my ticket out of orthodox society in three years. Even still, today I don't know if I can do this every day for three more years. I wasn't born to do this. I was born to see the world. I wasn't born to give up, it's not my nature. I was born to succeed. To succeed according to my goals and standards not according to some predetermined, cookie-cutter standard that the rest of society lives for. I need adventure, I need nature.

I should suck it up. Stop complaining. Just keep going. I will. I have to. There really is no other option. But this time I'm going to stop and feel. I'm going to be human. For a moment I am letting go of the need to be super-human. The need to always be happy, positive, zealous.

Society, your crazy breed. I hope you're not lonely without me. -Eddie Vedder

bottle of mad dog, paper bag, and a park bench

seriously though. it could be worse.

Death By Sandpaper

Well, here we are in Moab. Natalie and I. We've accomplished an unimaginable amount of fun already. Which is probably why we were okay with taking a three hour nap this afternoon at the campground. Yesterday there was Kranky Franks, Milts, a new campground, and the unsuccessful quest for mallow sticks. Last night. How to sum that up in one word...death by sandpaper. Winds gusting as high as 2000 miles per hour combined with tent slumber (or lack thereof) made for a lot of laughing and not much sleeping. Thank goodness for laptops. We watched "Into the Wild". Camping just isn't what it used to be. I like that. The fun didn't stop there. Today we hiked to Delicate Arch, took the customary tourist pictures, and watched a couple get engaged under the arch...no big deal. I can say for certain that was the first time I have cried at a strangers marriage proposal. We were so touched that we felt it necessary to take a picture with Mr. and Mrs. Happily Ever After. They were great. The only act that could follow up something like that was a bacon cheeseburger from Milt's.

You're shocked, I know...

In 14 minutes I'm leaving Ogden.

My destination:

I think I'll be able to talk her:

into stopping for lunch here:

before we get to Moab for this:

Now we're movin'

I had a great weekend. Now on summer hours at the office I'm released from the constraints of work every Friday at noon. Yay! I enjoy summer and appreciate the company that I work for. Friday at noon I met up with my BFF at Union Grill for lunch. Yep, you guessed it: hot wings and a chicken sandwich. After lunch Morgano headed off to work and I went home to make an honest attempt at motivating myself for a bike ride in an effort to have at least SOME training under my belt before Little Red Riding Hood. I can acknowledge failure, and that day I may even have embraced it. I was sleepy. I needed to ride but didn't necessarily want to ride. I wanted to relax, nap, watch Big Love, eat junk food...basically anything that was the polar opposite of riding. Then it happened, my valid excuse to do what I wanted instead of what I needed. The rain came. Then the thunder. Probably lightening too but I wouldn't know because I was happily napping less than 30 seconds after the first drop of rain fell. Some may say, "why can't she nap and ride?" Well, there's a little something you should know. A "Brooke-style nap" can last as long as a normal night of sleep for some people. On this particular day I got in a healthy 5 hours before waking up to see "Tooth Fairy" at the dollar theater.

Most of Saturday was stellar, fabulous, and perfect all at the same time. Morgano and I woke up early (for a Saturday), dropped little Molly Mo at Puppy Daycare, and caught the 8am train to SLC. We got off of the train at the Woods Cross stop and pedaled our bikes the remaining 20 miles to Sugarhouse. En route we found a yard sale where a nice gentleman was selling our perfect tent. The one we needed for our plethora of summer National Parks adventures and he sold it to us at a fraction of the cost we would have paid anywhere else. Did I mention it looks as though its never been used? Sweet. After putting a deposit down on the tent...with nowhere to carry it on our bikes...we proceeded on to The Blue Plate Diner to get ourselves some grub and bring back a "to go" lunch for the nice man who sold us the tent. He deserved it. If only he knew what amazing adventure is in store for that little tent.

Adventure begins June 4th, in two weeks. Little Red Riding Hood 2010, 100 miles. I rode this century last year. Last year it was my first organized ride, my first benefit ride, and my first ride for Kara. This year it will be my third organized ride, my third benefit ride, and my third ride dedicated to Kara. This year we will partake in the Friday night festivities and camp in Lewiston. Night number one in the new tent.

The following weekend, June 11th-14th we will travel to southern Utah with Waterfall Canyon Academy. That will be a promising trip of fun, laughs, and the ever present adventure. We will visit Zion National Park and potentially Bryce National Park as well. Next to Moab, some of Utah's greatest beauty.

The end of June will hold a trip to Mt. Rushmore. Both Morgano and myself will be experiencing it for the first time. We are still taking applications for co-adventurers on this trip. Please see this post to understand all of the requirements before applying for the position. We do not discriminate based on age, sex, ethnicity, etc.

July will be a cycling trip to Jackson Hole. To include, Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park. August's adventure will be a road trip to Glacier National Park. September, the birth-month, will be celebrated in Ohio and Kentucky. Yee-haw. I'm giddy already and it's still months away.

Yes, summer fun is underway and now in full swing. I look ahead with anticipation and excitement for the fun to be had. How else would I pass the time between adventures?

Chances are

Chances are...this summer will rock my world.

Chances are...this summer I will accomplish multiple bucket list items.

Chances are...we'll see these two and laugh ourselves silly again.

Chances are...I'll continue my quest to hippie-land.

Chances are...another adventure to Jackson Hole is in order.

Chances are...I'll go to Glacier National Park.

Chances are...I'll go to Yosemite National Park

Chances are...I'll see Mt. Rushmore.

Chances are...I'll frequent my favorite place on earth.

Chances are very likely...this will be the best part of my summer.

held together by clothespins

if i don't stay busy
if i stop too long and think
my little belly turns to knots

i've done this before
expected it by now to be "easy"
perhaps not just yet

it's okay to be a little sad
it's okay to miss you
it's okay to feel

after all
nothing changes
just location

I hear swimming pool noises

It's Sunday now. I kept the surprise, I didn't blow it. It was one of few surprise successes in my life. But I'm glad I didn't let the cat out of the bag. It was a good surprise and turned out even better than I could have hoped...but then again so has my life. Common theme.

Other successes for the weekend include: downloading over 300 new songs including many from new artists that I am oh so excited about, curbing Saturday night boredom with longboarding and individual wrapping of small presents with tissue paper (extreme, I know, especially since they were also placed in a gift bag), hanging out with Sandra Bullock, a birthday bike ride, and a birthday dinner.

Little boxes made of ticky tacky....

You'll come back when they call you

I stopped the other day to realize how busy I've been as of late. This is not a bad thing. I like doing the things I do, that's why I do them. I don't really do many things that I don't want to do. Boundaries. As I was taking inventory of the things I have been doing I realized that I've been having a great time, like a superbly awesome time. Every.single.day.

A couple of weeks ago Morgano and I ventured up to Logan to see Nattles and Han whom we met while waiting in the frigid line to meet Sarah Palin. They are fantastically fun. They write better than I do so read about our fun here.

That night I couldn't sleep so I slipped away to Moab in the quiet of the night. I shared that experience here. I got home just in time for a party. Thank you Hewitt's for the beach party. That Sunday I watched movies and drank cocktails. Sundays are about family and rest, right? Weeknights are always busy with workouts at the gym, drinks and dinners with friends and coworkers, and just doing stuff...and stuff.

The next weekend I helped Morgano move to her new apartment and then watched it go from shab to sheak as she decorated it. That Saturday I also rode my bike 40 miles to begin training for the Little Red Riding Hood Century which is less than one month away now. Eeeek! After the ride I joined the Hall family for a Birthday BBQ. That Sunday was dedicated completely to rest and relaxation. That evening I visited Morgano to see the progress on the new apartment. We watched The Blind Side...the single movie that has had the biggest impact on me, EVER. Such a good movie.

Last Thursday I hit the road to Moab with Waterfall Canyon Academy. I joined them as a volunteer and we took the students on a weekend field trip to the greatest place on earth.

I fulfilled a dream on that trip. We hiked to Delicate Arch in the dark with headlamps and arrived at 6am to watch the sunrise. If you look closely to the photo you'll see me inside the arch and that's the moon above it! So cool.

Monday of this week was back to real life: work, the gym, progress on acquiring parts for the new single speed bike, steak night at the Sand Trap with Courtney, a trip to the new WinCo, and grocery shopping at Wal Mart. Yes, I did a lot of grown-up responsible things that day. Tuesday was the final meeting for Little Red Riding Hood. Yikes, it's coming so soon. I'm happily looking forward to the day. Although I STILL have not trained for it, at this point we're pulling for a miracle folks.

Last night was perhaps the highlight. My most favorite dude jumped out of an airplane for his 57th birthday. He was giddy like a little kid and we were all excited for him. After the plane there was hanging out, dinner, and lots of laughter. I love my people. I am glad last night was spent with them.

That's a recap of my recent weeks. Fun. Love. Living. Happiness.

Yes, still the best movie ever.

Possibly my favorite interview with Sandra about The Blind Side. Go figure, it's with Ellen...who makes EVERYTHING funny.

Sometimes in life...

you get so excited about things that it becomes impossible (or nearly impossible) to keep it a surprise. That is me. Now. Right now. Today is Wednesday. I must wait until Sunday. I'm very bad at surprises. Very bad.